The Dark Side of Wives Submitting to Husbands

 

 

 

 

 

                                                           Christian teaching on male headship is often used as a weapon                                                                        against women. This abuse must be confronted.  During a past                                                                           ministry trip to Hungary, I heard a painfully familiar story.                                                                            Through a translator, a tearful young woman living near Budapest                                                                explained that her Christian husband was angrily demanding her                                                                absolute submission. This included, among other things, that she clean their house according to his strict standards and that she engage in sexual acts with him that made her feel uncomfortable and dirty.

This lady was not demanding her rights or trying to be disrespectful. She was a godly, humble woman who obviously wanted to please the Lord. But she had been beaten to a pulp emotionally, and she was receiving little help from her pastor—who was either unwilling or unprepared to confront wife abuse.

I've heard so many sickening versions of this scenario. In Kenya, several women told me their AIDS-infected husbands often raped them—and then their pastors told them they must submit to this treatment. In some parts of India, even some pastors believe it is acceptable to beat their wives if they argue with them or show any form of disrespect. And in some conservative churches in the United States, women are told that obedience to God is measured by their wifely submission—even if their husbands are addicted to alcohol or pornography or if they are involved in adulterous affairs.

 

This distortion of biblical teaching has plunged countless Christian women into depression and emotional trauma. I'm not sure which is worse: the harsh words they hear from their husbands or the perverse way the Bible is wielded as a leather belt to justify domestic abuse. Here are three truths we must uncover in order to solve this problem:

 

1. Marriage is not a hierarchy.  Traditionalists assume that a Christian marriage is defined as a dominant husband who makes all family decisions while the wife graciously obeys without input. Yet Scripture actually portrays marriage as a loving partnership and refers to the wife as a "fellow heir of the grace of life" (1 Peter 3:7, NASB). And the apostle Paul taught that in the realm of sexuality, husbands and wives share equal authority over each other's bodies (1 Cor. 7:4). In other words, submission in this most intimate part of a marriage covenant is mutual, and this same mutuality is the key to any happy marriage; it fosters respect, communication and an enduring bond.

 

2. Headship is not a license to control.  Traditionalists also cite Ephesians 5:23 to remind wives that their husbands are their "heads"—and they believe this term requires some type of dictatorial control in marriage. Yet the Greek word used in this passage, kephale, does not have anything to do with heavy-handed authority, and it cannot be used to enforce male domination. Neither does it imply male superiority. The word can either mean "source" (as in the source of a river) or "one who leads into battle" (as a protector).

 

Neither original definition of this word gives room for abuse. Headship, in its essence, is not about who's the boss. Rather, it refers to the Genesis account of Eve being taken from Adam's side. The husband is the "source" of the wife because she originated from him, and she is intimately connected to him in a mystical union that is unlike any other human relationship.

 

3. Men who abuse their wives are out of fellowship with God.  First Peter 3:7 is clear: "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so your prayers will not be hindered." Wife abuse is no trivial sin. Any man who berates his wife, treats her as inferior or engages in abusive behavior (including hitting, kicking, raping, cursing at or threatening punishment) will jeopardize his fellowship with the Lord. He will feel frustrated and convicted until he repents.

 

(And in the same way, I believe pastors who silently support abusive husbands by refusing to confront the behavior—or by telling women to submit to the pain—participate in this sin and could find their own prayers hindered.)

 

Truly Christian marriages, according to the apostle Paul, involve a tender, servant-hearted and unselfish husband who (1) loves his wife "just as Christ also loved the church"; (2) loves her as his own body; and (3) loves her as himself (see Eph. 5:25, 28 and 33). He stands alongside his wife in faithfulness, and she joyfully respects her husband because he can be trusted. And the two become one.

 

If we are to uphold this golden standard, we must confront abuse, shelter its victims and provide the tough love and counseling necessary to heal troubled relationships. And we have no business telling women to stay in marriages that actually could put them or their children in danger.

 

J. LEE GRADY is the former editor of Charisma. You can find him on Twitter at @leegrady.

 

 

 

6 Really Bad Charismatic Doctrines We Should Retire

 

 

 

 

 

                                                       I will never apologize for being a charismatic Christian. I had a                                                                      dramatic experience with the Holy Spirit many years ago, and nobody                                                         can talk me out of it. I love the Holy Spirit’s abiding presence in my life                                                           and His supernatural gifts. I love to prophesy, speak in tongues, pray                                                              for the sick and see people changed by the Spirit’s power.  At the same                                                              time, I’m aware that since the charismatic movement began in the                                                                  1960s, people have misused the gifts of the Spirit and twisted God’s Word to promote strange doctrines or practices.

Seeing these errors never caused me to question the authenticity of what the Holy Spirit had done in my life. But I knew I had to stay true to God’s Word and reject any false teachings I encountered.My simple rule is based on 1 Thessalonians 5:21-22: “But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good; abstain from every form of evil” (NASB). In other words: Eat the meat and spit out the bones.  As I have traveled throughout the body of Christ in recent years, I’ve experienced the good, the bad and the ugly. I love God’s people, and I know there is a healthy remnant of Spirit-filled churches that are striving to stay grounded in biblical truth. But I also know we have reached a crossroads.

 

We must clean up our act. We must jettison any weird doctrines we might have believed or practiced that are hindering our growth today.  Here are a few of the worst errors that have circulated in our movement in the past season. You may have others that need to be added to this list. I believe we are grieving the Holy Spirit if we continue to practice these things:

 

1. "Touch not My anointed." Chances are you’ve heard this weird doctrine based on 1 Chronicles 16:22. In an attempt to discourage any form of disagreement in the church, insecure leaders tell their members that if they ever question church authority, they are “touching the Lord’s anointed” and in danger of God’s judgment.   Let’s call this what it is: spiritual manipulation.  It creates worse problems by ruling out healthy discussion and mutual respect. Church members end up being abused or controlled—or even blacklisted because they dare to ask a question.

 

2. Dual covenant. We charismatics love and respect Israel. Some of us even incorporate Jewish practices in our worship—such as wearing prayer shawls, blowing shofars or celebrating Hebraic feasts. These things can enrich our Christian experience—but some leaders go too far when they begin to teach that Jews don’t need to believe in Jesus Christ to experience salvation. They imply that Jews have special access into heaven simply because of their ethnic heritage. This is a flagrant contradiction of everything the New Testament teaches.

 

3. Inaccessible leadership. In the 1980s, some charismatic ministries began to teach pastors and traveling ministers that in order to “protect the anointing,” they must stay aloof from people. Ministers were warned to never make friends in their congregations. Preachers began the strange practice of skipping worship on Sunday mornings—and then appearing on the stage only when it was time for the sermon in order to make a dramatic entrance. Shame on these people for attempting to justify arrogance. Jesus loved people, and He made Himself available to them. So should we.

 

4. Armor-bearers. The same guys who developed item No. 3 started this strange fad. Preachers began the practice of surrounding themselves with an entourage: one person to carry the briefcase, another person to carry the Bible, another to carry the handkerchief. Some preachers hired bodyguards … and even food-tasters! The armor-bearers were promised special blessings if they served preachers who acted like slave-owners. Reminder: True leaders are servants, not egomaniacs.

 

5. The hundredfold return. Before his death in 2003, Kenneth Hagin Sr., the father of the faith movement, rebuked his own followers for taking prosperity teaching to a silly extreme. In his book The Midas Touch, he begged preachers to stop misusing Mark 10:28-30 to suggest that God promises a hundredfold return on every offering we give. Hagin wrote, “If the hundredfold return worked literally and mathematically for everyone who gave in an offering, we would have Christians walking around with not billions or trillions of dollars, but quadrillions of dollars!” Hagin taught that the hundredfold blessing refers to the rewards that come to those who leave all they have to serve God in ministry.

 

6. Money cometh. Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for giving money publicly to be seen by others. Yet in the 1990s, some charismatics got the wild idea that God would release a magical blessing if we would drop wads of dollar bills at the preacher’s feet while he was in the middle of his sermon. Leroy Thompson of Louisiana popularized this flamboyant practice with his infamous 1996 sermon, in which he encouraged people to shout in King James English, “Money! Cometh to me now!” Then the people would run to the front of the auditorium to pour cash into his coffers. The money came, for sure, and more cash-hungry preachers jumped on the bandwagon. Taking an offering became a form of exhibitionism, and Christians began viewing their offerings like lottery scratch-offs.

 

God requires holiness not just in our behavior but also in our doctrine. Let’s discard these and any other foolish teachings that have brought confusion and dishonor to the body of Christ.J. Lee Grady is the former editor of Charisma. You can follow him on Twitter at@leegrady. He is the author of The Holy Spirit Is Not for Sale and other books.

 

J. LEE GRADY

 

 

 

9 Scriptural Tests for Judging Supernatural Experiences

 

 

 

 

                                                               We need to be anchored by the Word of God! In today's increase of                                                                   supernatural activity, we need to make certain our foundation is                                                                       sure and that the plumb line of God's Word is our standard.With                                                                     this in mind, here is a list of nine Scriptural tests by which we can                                                                     test every revelation that we receive for accuracy, authority and                                                                         validity. The following truths are for all of us—whether you are an                                                                     acknowledged seer/prophet or everyday believer in the Lord Jesus                                                                     Christ. Let's drop the plumb line of God's Word in our lives!

 

1. Does the Revelation Edify, Exhort and/or Console?  "But one who prophesies speaks to men for edification and exhortation and consolation" (1 Cor. 14:3, NASB). The end purpose of all true prophetic revelation is to build up, to admonish and to encourage the people of God. Anything that is not directed to this end is not true prophecy. Jeremiah the prophet had to fulfill a negative commission, but even his difficult message contained a powerful and positive promise of God for those who were obedient (Jer. 1:5, 10). First Corinthians 14:26 sums it up best: "Let all things be done for edification."

 

2. Is It in Agreement With God's Word?  "All Scripture is given by inspiration of God" (2 Tim. 3:16, KJV). True revelation always agrees with the letter and the spirit of Scripture (2 Cor. 1:17-20). Where the Holy Spirit says "yea and amen" in Scripture, He also says "yea and amen" in revelation. He never, ever contradicts Himself.

 

3. Does It Exalt Jesus Christ?  "He will glorify Me, for He will take of Mine and will disclose it to you" (John 16:14, NASB). All true revelation ultimately centers on Jesus Christ and exalts and glorifies Him (Rev. 19:10).

 

4. Does It Have Good Fruit?  "Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits" (Matt. 7:15-16).True revelatory activity produces fruit in character and conduct that agrees with the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Eph. 5:9; Gal. 5:22-23). Some of the aspects of character or conduct that clearly are not the fruit of the Holy Spirit include pride, arrogance, boastfulness, exaggeration, dishonesty, covetousness, financial irresponsibility, licentiousness, immorality, addictive appetites, broken marriage vows and broken homes. Normally, any revelation that is responsible for these kinds of results is from a source other than the Holy Spirit.

 

5. If It Predicts a Future Event, Does It Come to Pass?  See Deuteronomy 18:20-22. Any revelation that contains a prediction concerning the future should come to pass. If it does not, then, with a few exceptions, the revelation is not from God. Exceptions may include the following issues:

 

• Will of person involved

• National repentance—Nineveh repented, so the word did not occur

• Messianic predictions (they took hundreds of years to fulfill)

• There is a different standard for New Testament prophets than for Old Testament prophets whose predictions played into God's Messianic plan of deliverance

 

6. Does the Prophetic Prediction Turn People Toward God or Away From Him?  See Deuteronomy 13:1-5. The fact that a person makes a prediction concerning the future that is fulfilled does not necessarily prove that person is moving by Holy Spirit-inspired revelation. If such a person, by his own ministry, turns others away from obedience to the one true God, then that person's ministry is false—even if he makes correct predictions concerning the future.

 

7. Does It Produce Liberty or Bondage?  "For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, 'Abba! Father!'" (Rom. 8:15). True revelation given by the Holy Spirit produces liberty, not bondage (1 Cor. 14:33; 2 Tim. 1:7). The Holy Spirit never causes God's children to act like slaves, nor does He ever motivate us by fear or legalistic compulsion.

 

8. Does It Produce Life or Death?  "Who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter, but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life" (2 Cor. 3:6). True revelation from the Holy Spirit always produces life, not death.

 

9. Does the Holy Spirit Bear Witness That It Is True?  "As for you, the anointing which you received from Him abides in you, and you have no need for anyone to teach you; but as His anointing teaches you about all things, and is true and is not a lie, and just as it has taught you, you abide in Him" (1 John 2:27).

 

The Holy Spirit within the believer always confirms true revelation from the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is "the Spirit of Truth" (John 16:13). He bears witness to that which is true, but He rejects that which is false. This ninth test is the most subjective test of all the tests we've presented here. For that reason, it must be used in conjunction with the previous eight objective standards.

 

God's Word tells us that we must prove all things and hold fast to that which is good (1 Thess. 5:21). At all times we must seek the Lord's wisdom, while refusing to use "wisdom" as an excuse for fear. We must be careful not to become offended at the genuine things that the Holy Spirit is doing, no matter how strange they may appear to us. Divine revelation and visionary experiences come in many different forms, and it is vital that we understand how to discern the true from the false.

 

Now, I know that some of you are waiting for me to dish out "some of the deeper things" to you by this point. But from my perspective, I would be remiss not to make sure these foundational truths are laid well before taking us further on our "mystical journey."

 

So study to show yourself approved a workman unto the Lord! Let us learn to test the spirits to see whether they be from God. I want you to step out on the tight rope of faith, but I also want to supply you with a safety net of the wisdom ways of God underneath to help catch you in your journey.

 

JAMES W. GOLL